Carpe a Nice Day

One of my fears about this blog is that it will simply devolve into me complaining about phrases that annoy me. In fact, now that I look back on most of the posts, I think there's a good argument that that is already the case. That's fine, though. If there's one thing I've learned from reading good blogs it's that you just keep going and you find your voice over time. I will start my journey by complaining about this annoying guy in the coffee shop, and maybe in three years time I'll have something meaningful to say. There will be snacks for those that stick it out.

So I'm in Starbucks and the cashier says to me after handing me my coffee...he says to me: "Have such a nice day!" I mean, what a jerk, right? Wait, you mean that was actually a thoughtful and sincere gesture to brighten my day with a surprising subversion of the daily routine? Maybe. But as I am with these kinds of things, I am skeptical.

80% of the equation here is probably my own neurosis about these kinds of transactional dialogues. I still don't really know what to say or how much to say when there's some business to get to. Maybe it's my five-paragraph essay training from high school that says you can't just switch from one paragraph to the next, but you also need transitional sentences to get to the coffee, like "Yes, it's sure hot outside, but not as hot as that grande americano I would like to order right now please." These feelings wax and wane with my mood, though, and lest you worry about me I assure you that I am a relatively well adjusted adult that is successfully coping with these challenges.

But back to this jerk. Or maybe this really nice guy. I've seen this tactic before. It's a kind of phrase adoption some people do to reanimate trite expressions, and I can respect that. I once knew someone who, instead of saying "I appreciate that" or even the more common "Thanks" would always say "I appreciate you." It was a nice little touch, but once I caught on the act was up and I felt less and less validated each time.

So, I'm still not sure where I stand on all this. It's just a thing people do and it's fine. But if I had to program a robot to speak, I think would probably let him experiment with these phrases sometimes, but never to repeat them over and over to the same people. Also, I would allow all possible one-word deviations from the robot to be equally probable, however meaningless or on the cusp of meaning they might be: "Have a horse nice day!", "Have a nice dark day!" These one-word interpolations would have koan-like qualities coming from a robot, I think.

But then again, some people with a lot of phrases like these can be endearing, so do whatever you want, robot.

Have you heard any similar phrase adoptions? Have you adopted any yourself? I won't judge.

Objective

The objective statement, often featured at the top of an American resume, is meant to show employers exactly what a candidate wants. Instead, it is usually the lamest and most artificial part of what is already an already unbearably self-promoting document.

While a true objective statement might say something like this:

"To find a high-paying job where I won't be treated like a kid and won't have to do a lot of stuff I don't like"

Most sound something like this:

"To find* a position in a professional environment that will utilize my organizational, communication, and technical skills."

*Extra points for "procure"

I have absolutely no expertise in HR and taking my advice is not likely to help you, but for the sake of good language, I think the objective statement should say exactly what you want or not be there at all.

Also

'Also', which ironically once meant 'similarly', is now the word of choice to introduce a non sequitur into internet comments and posts. Its impact is highest when the preceding text is long and somewhat formal.

Also, it's kinda funny.

Acceptability status: OMG RANDOM!!!!1!!

Counting Words

Hearing this piece on Terry Gross last night is actually what inspired me to get this blog up and running again. A linguist named Geoffrey Nunberg talks about the latest craze of counting words to prove points. If this man is to be believed, some American media outlets may use half-baked analysis to add some meat to mind-numbing, unproductive debates.

Surrected Again

Really Smart Parrots is back, though I'm sad to say I deleted all the traces of the old blog. I may try to recreate some of the posts if I can remember them, but that remains to be seen.

I'm casting a wider net this time and will be keeping the concept of this blog pretty vague, though the general focus will be modern English usage, and I don't mean that the way your 10th grade English textbook does. Sometimes I might mean it like that, though. I would call this "amateur linguistics," but I don't want to scare anyone off.

This is not a blog about "correct" usage, mainly because I don't want to have to triple proofread every post and justify every comma. Also, I don't want to attract googling grammar snobs.

In keeping with one of my new rules about not being a perfectionist about every post, I'm signing out now. Stay tuned.